who am i without the stress?
i'm currently in a brief break where i don't really have any real responsibilities for a month. i don't really have to go to uni and there aren't any classes to attend or exams to take. this was supposed to be a relaxing time yet i feel like i'm having the worst time of my life now.
my major is consuming me. it slowly crept up on my life for the past 5 years and i am at the point where i can't define myself without it. it feels like a huge part of my life that took everything that i was willing to sacrifice. what were even my hobbies before? who am i without to constant stress of exams, the pressure to study and the guilt of not studying?
my schedule is all kinds of fucked up. i have breakfast at 3 pm, dinner at 11 pm and sleep at 3.30 am. i'm a grown ass adult who can't even feed himself. i don't have to leave my house so i don't. i go out once in a while to meet with friends and i don't feel like that's enough to get me out of this slump. i don't even feel connected to other people other than what feels like a superficial bond. that might also be me pushing away people once it feels too intimate. and i got to this point in a week. the lack of a purpose will kill me.
the 3 horseman of the apocalypse:
bedrotting
girlbossing
miserymaxxing